30.9.2020
I have been using dating apps for a while. With long working hours, hideous commutes and caring for my elderly mom, I don't have time to meet women any other way. I try not to be upset. I realize that in these trying times, I am more fortunate than most people. I own my own home. I have a great career and don't have much debt. I could have put my mom in a house, but I love her to bits and she still has all the balls. She just needs company and can't drive anymore so I'm kind of her driver and companion mostly. In fact, it's the most dependable date for me to have dinner.
I'm a good friend, or so two serious friends told him. The only reason they don't stay with me is because I haven't had enough time for them, and that hasn't gotten much better in the past two years. I have a few of my colleagues and they're trying to fix me or suggesting that I get a job closer to home, but neither of these options appeal to me right now. I love where I work, and when my mom finally has to go home or she dies, I will probably go upstairs and approach it. The only reason I'm staying where I am is to stay close to it. She always lived in Munich and would never deal with anywhere else. I shouldn't have bothered the app and ejected it instead.
I was there, insulted after not showing up. The app thing is getting a little grim now. Sitting at home, shopping to strangers with no idea whether or not they are real, catfish, or just holes. A few lines of chatting and then the uncomfortable wait to actually meet them. I much prefer meeting someone, who has some chemistry, getting to know him, then going on a final date. This is always so embarrassing
The other problem is expectations. The two dates I was in bed are both over and they were both so frustrating. The first was just an embarrassing and hangover drunk stumble in the morning. She cried for the second after that and then told me she was cheating on her boyfriend. After that, I swore that I would not sleep with any of the dates of the first meeting. I am glad I made this decision because none of the first dates resulted in second dates. I am not proud. I enjoy fapping like the next guy, but one night she ends up in some kind of drama often and I don't have time for that.
My dream, of course, is that the unicorn is out of reach - a good friend with benefits. I can't even make time for my good friends, much less take the time to negotiate something like this with them. Anyway, maybe it's just me, but if I fancy a friend of mine, we might end up outside of the friend zone, enter the girlfriends' zone and then end up in the previous zone. Therefore, I cannot expect this to happen anytime soon.
All I really wanted was someone I could get some skin with. I may be a martyr in relation to my mother, but I am definitely not a priest nor have I sworn to celibacy to be a good son of her. She understands. She wants me to go out and have fun and that's what makes her feel so bad that I don't have a girlfriend. Blame itself.
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